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OMG [13 Apr 2005|09:52pm] A7X IS COMING MAY 6 BABY!!1 You were the death of me♥ }}

blah [18 Feb 2005|01:13pm] [ music | the used: Im a Fake ] im in school right now and im supposed to be doing a big project but hey im not in the mood im alittle annoyed and i wish i'd feel better i might go to Taste of Chaos i wanna go but i'll only go for the used Taylar i love you andf i still miss him dang it You were the death of me♥ }}

Im going Numb [11 Feb 2005|05:46pm] [ mood | I feel nothing ] [ music | The Used: Hard to Say ] I'm A Fake Lyrics [Spoken:] Small, simple, safe price Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals And I am not afraid to die I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight. I want the pain of payment What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks Would you be my little cut? Would you be my thousand fucks? And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart Love is not like anything Especially a fucking knife Look at me, you can tell By the way I move and do my hair Do you think that it's me or it's not me? I don't even care I'm alive I don't smell I'm the cleanest I have ever been. I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry) [Chorus:] Just look at me, look at me now I'm a fake [x4] Just look at me, look at me now I'm a fake [x4] Do I drink? Do I date? I've got perfect placement all my ink Satisfied, in your eyes I'm the biggest fan I've got right now I made sure, that I look how I wanted to look The people around me, the people surround me I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry) [Chorus] My stomach hurts now, and all tied off in lace I pray, I beg for anything, to hit me in the face and this sicknes isn't me, I pray to fall from grace The last thing I see is feeling And I'm telling you I'm a fake [x4] And I'm telling you I'm... [Chorus] You were the death of me♥ }}

"love is not like anything especially a fuckin knife" [11 Feb 2005|12:11am] [ mood | hitting bottom losin everythin ] [ music | Green Day: time of your life ] I have all these weird feelings inside and idk what to do... i feel as if the walls are closing in on me way too fast and i have no time to do anything i hate this feeling i feel as if i am losing everything good in my life its like a battle that i know im gonna lose why cant things be easlier just when i finally started to feel like all was right in the world everything starts to vanish...i just need some time to think about all that is happening to me right now i feel like hurting myself and not eating will help everything but i know it wont i'll just get sick again and we dont want that well some of you (i think) i just need some kinda relief something to take away the pain i dont have anything good in life besides the comfort of a good friend someone who understands me... who understands my pain... someone who shows they care... i just wish that i was invisible for a day or two and see how life is like without me and having to not care... someone just take me away from the place everywhere i look i am surrounded by the demons who haunt my life everything is dark i feel like nothing will get better for me like everything is turning black i wish that everything all the pain and sorrow would leave me be... be i know that will never happen You were the death of me♥ }}

lala [08 Feb 2005|04:25pm] hey i just got that Myspace thing and im gonna have taylar come over and help me fix it so if u have it and wanna add me i hope this is it lol http://profiles.myspace.com/users/17760997 You were the death of me♥ }}

... [05 Feb 2005|08:04pm] [ mood | Its all coming back ] [ music | The Used: All That i Got ] lately i have had feelings to start doing that all over again i have slipped once and i wasnt satisfide no its not drugs sorry... but i have soo much Anger inside right now and i have no way to take the pain away but what i am craving!!! the madness is killing me... "as i bring the knife to my wrist i see my veins are throbing with anticipation and finally when i start to saw into my whitening flesh i laugh as i watch the blood leave my body" I found out who my worst enemy is its... myself... i hate who i am You were the death of me♥ }}

[20 Jan 2005|06:04pm] [ music | Here without you ] HERE WITHOUT YOU A hundred days had made me older Since the last time that I saw your pretty face A thousand lights had made me colder And I don’t think I can look at this the same But all the miles had separate They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams And tonight it’s only you and me The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams And tonight girl it’s only you and me Everything I know, and anywhere I go It gets hard but it won’t take away my love And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done it get hard but it won’t take away my love I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams And tonight girl it’s only you and me (repeat) You were the death of me♥ }}

by [29 Dec 2004|01:01pm] im leaving for arizona and i'll be back saturday I really like this guy but idk not gonna get into it... You were the death of me♥ }}

[16 Dec 2004|07:17pm] so sexy You were the death of me♥ }}

just when you think they hate you they surprize you with a call [16 Dec 2004|06:53pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | dad talkin ] well i talked to dave today and that went great he said he'd have kevin call me but hey who knows lol i miss hangin with taylar shes been too busy or whatever well were supposed to hang out this weekend but we'll see well gtg by You were the death of me♥ }}

HELP [14 Dec 2004|09:25pm] [ mood | SPAZING ] [ music | ... ] how do i put pics on my LJ!!!! You were the death of me♥ }}

its finally my turn for a depression and longing for death... [13 Dec 2004|04:27pm] [ mood | to depressed to feel ] [ music | GC: Death track ] people always tell me that im so amazing and they love to be around me but how can they...Im so not what i seem to be on the outside i hide everything with a smile or a joke.. but on the inside i feel as if my insides are burning up this pain that i am feeling its just to much to handle and sometimes i think maybe suicide is the answer... but sometimes i think about it and i realize that im so much better than that you know i didnt say anything but i almost slit my wrist... I love you all but i dont know what to do anymore i feel so abandoned but everyone i feel as if no one cares alli thank you for being in my time of need i love you... Danielle thank you for listening to me and if anything shall happen to me just know i love you Taylar your my soul sister and i love you i know we fought but i love you and i need you so much... Renee you have always made me feel special and me and u will always have theater memories like when you did that cool dance move and well you fill out the rest..!! my mom i love you soo much and u have always been there the most you always had my back you have never left me... Joy my beloved sister you never gave up on me and you never failed to listen and hold me when i had no one... this is the sadest entry for me im sorry for everthing thank you to all who care... Plz forgive i love you all {{2 ::You were the death of me♥ }}

love is painful... [03 Dec 2004|09:41pm] [ mood | Im truely in love ] [ music | Coheed and Cambria: A Favor House Atlantic ] I am falling in love with kevin and yes i talked to him today everything is going GREAT with us he still is going to the Dance with me and "friends" but at least he is going!!! He says that he wants to be with me but he wants us to get know each other better and then go back out YES!!!! I TRUELY LOVE KEVIN!!!! Im just chillin with TAYLAR SHES MY GURL AND I LOVE HER!!! so anyway im just soo excited i love you all!!! You were the death of me♥ }}

You work so hard for nothing [09 Nov 2004|09:54pm] [ mood | EXTREMELY DEPRESSED ] [ music | Blink 182 : Adams song ] life is soo shitty right now i have lost everything i have ever cared about... i have never felt this alone i feel like i should just drop everything friends blow me off and and dont really care but now that i have met taylar i can talk to her she gets me for once in my life someone understands the way i feel... sometimes i think if i just disappeared if anyone would notice... frankly i think not... rob yes i miss him but i realize everything he did to me was bad i was always hurting but now i feel free but i still feel as if i have nothing and i am nothing... every night i have cry myself to sleep and i know that everyone reading this is probably saying  Get over urself and stop crying ur not important!! i feel as if nothing i do will ever make anything better i just wish that i had someone but that will never some true       kill me slowly now...   People say suicide isnt the answer but i think it is... {{1 ::You were the death of me♥ }}

No one said it would hurt this bad.... [16 Oct 2004|10:19pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | GC ] well today rob and i broke up and i was trying to hide my hurt but as the day went on it just got worse its like he just gonna give up a year and 3 months just like that... i didnt know that it would hurt this much and theres nothing i can do about it he is all the way in IOWA and im stuck in here i just wish that i was with him right now i want to have him hold me right now soo bad but i know that i cant have that... i just dont wanna lose him i mean i never had anyone like him before someone who actually cared about me someone that actually loved me if only i would have been a better girlfriend... we were engaged and he just threw it all away why me GOD I NEED A FUCKIN CIGARETTE!!!! i hate being alone i need someone so bad right now i wish that i had someone i realized i cant hide it anymore i cant keep holdin on to something that might never be mine again and that scares me i just want him to know how much i care and have him to just maybe Listen to me i know he still loves me he told me so but how can he hurt someone that he "loves" this bad i feel as if i am the only one on this earth... fuck it... {{2 ::You were the death of me♥ }}

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